Steer Pizzle: The Initiation of a Kennel Mom

csu letter 005

I don’t know if I’m prepared for motherhood.  In fact, I think it’s safe to say I’m fairly freaked out.  It’s been thirteen years since I’ve had a wee one romping around the house and let me tell you, it’s a whole new world in the realm of puppy parenting.

My first indication of unpreparedness came when I visited PetSmart for the first time in a decade.  I walked into the fluorescent lit store, the white tiles stained yellow from those pups that came before me, and went in search of dog food.  It was insane – three thousand  square feet of choice.  Never before had I seen so many varieties, sizes, and flavors of pup food:  organic, all natural, made with real chicken, real beef, real liver, hormone-free, gluten-free.  I was overwhelmed.  I don’t have this many options when I go to my local grocer looking for a frozen pizza or a bag of lettuce.  What would I buy?  Things had definitely changed from the days when I went in to a pet store and had the one choice of Purina Puppy Chow.  Four hundred dollars later I left the store with “all-natural” kibble, organic pet treats, gluten free chews, and toys made out of “safe plastic”, whatever that is.   I had no idea what I was doing or what I was buying. Read more

You Won’t Find Your Inner Child on a Milk Carton


Dedicated to Jen Lyman – May you find your Selves and gather them together in love and safety and may you wholly heal, both inside and out.

I was told recently that part of me is missing.  I wondered, what exactly does that mean?  I have all of my limbs, my digits, my hair, though I am short a few internal organs.  So hey, perhaps I am a bit disjointed.  Aren’t we all?  Apparently I misunderstood.  I was told instead to imagine that we each have a number of different selves within us determined by how long we’ve lived and depending on our life experiences.  Say, for me, I have five selves.  (God forbid I’ve left any out.)  For example, I have myself as a child, a teenager, a married self, a divorced self, and my current self.  Well, unbeknownst to me, my inner child is on the lamb. Read more