Yup folks, it’s time for my annual list of things I’d rather do than shop on Black Friday:
- Attend a farm to table dinner with tea baggers (either kind.)
- Swim with Tilikum at Sea World wearing nothing but a sardine necklace.
- Watch Miley twerk for 94 consecutive hours while eating a steady diet of frozen uncooked McRibs.
- Act as the late Ariel Castro’s tube sock in prison (pre auto-erotic asphyxiation.)
- Surgically embed strings of Craisins & popcorn in my mammary glands
- Sign up for NixonCare with an Apple Lisa.
- Ask Paul Ryan to inject a hefty dose of Krokodil into my vagina.
- Sit in the eye of Hurricane Sandy reading the Left Behind series.
If you missed the 2012 list, you can find it here. Till next year.