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How to Date That Elusive Man

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It’s often said that we are wise when we’re able to learn from the mistakes of others.   So, in that vein, let’s be on with it… you’ve met that guy who expresses pretty intense interest, you’ve been on a few dates, he calls, you want to be proactive, to reciprocate, and to reach out to him, but whenever you do, you don’t hear back for weeks.  In this day and age you have to be hip. I would suggest perhaps an e-mail such as this one:

Date: Sometime in December
Subject: Cheeto-Chompin-Communication-Cruncher (a.k.a. Your Answering Machine)

Tried to call you this eventide, but couldn’t bring
myself to leave a message. Could only imagine an obese
answering machine monster (akin to Pizza the Hut from
*Spaceballs* fame) sitting on your couch watching
re-runs of Seinfeld and garbling my scattered words like so
many crunchy Cheeto’s, chuckling at his own genius and
spewing forth bits of my orange dialogue onto your
brand new television, wiping my stained expression on
the sofa. That just wouldn’t do. Read more