When the Magic Is Just Too Good…

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Some fifteen years ago, when I was deep in the study of Native American spirituality, I traveled to the Black Hills of South Dakota to attend a powwow. As I was just about to fall asleep the night before the event – you know that time, when your body is starting to jerk, but you’re still conscious – I saw a vision of a very old Native American woman – “sage”, “wise” and “ancient” were all terms that came to my half-conscious mind. She had to have been over 100. Her withered deeply lined face hovered over me and her black eyes twinkled with light as my whole body tingled and I felt myself start to lift out of my physical form to travel with her to only God knows where. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. It was pure magic and it was what I had been waiting on for seven years, minus the peyote.

About seventy five feet off the ground I started arguing with my monkey mind inner critic.

Me: OMG, this is beautiful. Feel this. I’m traveling with my spirit guide. She’s here. I’ve finally met her! I knew she’d come.

Inner Critic: You don’t even know this woman. She’s probably wanted in ten planes. She’s going to take your soul and you’re going to die on this gray shag carpet with the dark roast coffee stain next to your head. The chalk outline they make around your body is going to look goofy with that stain there.

Me: No, I’ve been waiting to meet her and experience this for my whole life. This is transcendental, dude. I’m floating. See my body down there? Look at her, she’s beautiful.

Inner Critic: Who are you? Fucking Sacagawea? Come back down. You’re never going to be able to find your body if you leave. You’re going to float around up there searching for a way to get back until the end of time.

Plop… just like that she vanished, my fear and asshole Inner Critic won, and I was laying back down in my body, tears streaming down into my ears. I haven’t seen her since, nor have I experienced anything even remotely like that ever again.

And now there is, once again, beautiful magic afoot, my friends. Not just for me, but for everyone I know. Folks are starting businesses they feel called to start, I’m launching a website and a whole new chapter of my life, many are feeling called to be “bigger”, to shine brighter, to be more authentically themselves, and to stand in their power, some even feel  as if they’re just being led down golden paths of bliss – morsels of rich, dark chocolate being placed on their tongues while being fanned by gorgeous goddesses wearing shiny feathered headresses. It’s all good stuff, right?

Of course it is. Holy crap! Are you kidding me?

And it’s also really, REALLY scary.

For me, at least.

Recent conversation with the boyfriend:

Me: Holy shit, this all feels so serendipitous and beautiful and terrifying! Everything is flowing so perfectly and happening so fast. It’s magical. Can you feel the magic?

BF: It will all work out. I have faith in you.

Me: Yeah, but it’s all moving so quickly I feel like I can’t catch my breath. I know it’s good. It’s all GREAT stuff. I get that, but it’s overwhelming.

BF: It is all great stuff.

Me: Yeah, but what if I can’t keep up? What if it doesn’t work out? What if I’m fooling myself? What if the magic stops? What if…

BF: It won’t, you’ll be fine.

Me: Yeah, but…

Despite my boyfriend’s wise verbosity, I wasn’t satiated and quickly called a friend who would dine with me on the brunch of my fears with fist pumps and bacon thrown in for good measure.

We deduced that when things are going too well; when the magic is, well… too magical, we have a tendency to feel as if the other shoe will surely drop (and we’re talking a size 14 worn by a superstitious basketball player who’s donned the same pair since 1993.)

I have a sneaking suspicion that my friend and I are not the only ones whose monkey minds go here (and there and everywhere) trying to cling to the magic because they’re afraid it will disappear as quickly as 7-layer dip at a Superbowl party. And the irony is that when we head down this path of waiting for the Converse to drop, of fear and grasping and those “yeah, but’s,” inevitably the Converse is gonna drop. Hard. And we’re going to be smothered in foot powder with no magic to be seen anywhere.

Why is it so hard to stay in the flow and the magic and bliss? Hell, I can’t even allow my forearm to be tickled for too long because it just feels too good.

I’m beginning to realize that the magic is always there. It never goes anywhere. It’s just that we can’t access it when we’re bogged down by our lizard brains. Magic is simply our thoughts, intentions and energy manifest.

But I’d love to hear your thoughts on releasing the fear. Any tricks for staying connecting to the magic? Tips? Insights? Bueller… Bueller…

8 replies
  1. Avatar
    Susan Savoie says:

    Well I think and based on past experiences the shoe will inevitably drop. I try to look at my serenity like a ball…and if I let people places and things take it ..then I’ve dropped my ball. The work is keeping it in my arms in my mental spiritual emotional and physical arms. My Spiritual walk is contingent on the safeguards I keep in place. I fall I give my ball , but it happens less and less. I refuse now to live in my 3 R’s of yesterday ..remorse resentment and reaction . Now When I do feel these peek in and my evil twin wants to dance….I recognize it and go to blogs like yours and talk to my empath sisters…and know I am not alone.
    Sue

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Adonica Sweet says:

    Hi Melanie,

    Yes, the shoe does drop and the way I find the magic. The ONLY way I have found, I will share after a little experience that came to mind after reading your story.

    I was at an emotional appointment during lunch hour on a very rainy day. I had gotten a ride to the appointment and had an important meeting when I returned to work at 1. During my appointment, in the back of my mind, I heard the rain slow down. Just as I was finishing my appointment, it started to pour and I mean pour. I had no umbrella… At the top of the stairs before entering the rain, I paused and said, “Adonica, you are going to get wet no matter what you do, how are you going to handle this?” Turning point for me in more than just this minor little life example. I got out of my head and into the present. The air was warm, the raindrops were warm, it was cleansing. The taste of the raindrops were refreshing on my warm tongue… Yes I was wet when I arrived at work for my meeting. I grabbed my sweater and went to the meeting with a smile on myself.

    For me, the ONLY way to bring in the magic is to BE PRESENT. How does being present impact you? What magicarrives in your world and what fears dissapate?

    Love life,
    Adonica

    Reply
    • Avatar
      Melanie Bates says:

      Thank you for sharing your story, Adonica, my boyfriend often says some people feel the rain, others just get wet. I think it’s a Bob Marley quote, but you illustrated it beautifully! And I think you’re right, being present is key!

      xo
      Melanie

      Reply
  3. Avatar
    Sheila Bergquist says:

    Ah, the “what-ifs”…and waiting for the other shoe to drop…so very familiar to me! I love this post because it makes me feel like I’m not the only one who worries when things are going too well. I think Adonica’s answer is terrific…and true. I have been working hard on staying in the present lately and it does help. May all of you have more magic in your life.

    Reply
    • Avatar
      Melanie Bates says:

      Thank you so much, Shelia, you’re definitely not alone. Yes, Adonica’s words were super wise. I think it has also been helping me to realize that the Universe isn’t “out to get me”, but rather wants my happiness, and wants me to fulfill my purpose. I just have to get out of my own way sometimes.

      xo
      Melanie

      Reply

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] I’m afraid to write this blog post. I’ve worked it, and re-worked it, and re-worked it a gazillion times. For two weeks. It just doesn’t sound tortured, no matter how much I edit. My usual angst over… whatever… is gone. My writing flows when I’m suffering… over a break-up, a spiritual crisis, a stubby toenail. I alluded to this issue in one of my last blogs When Things Are Just Too Good. […]

  2. […] I’m afraid to write this blog post. I’ve worked it, and re-worked it, and re-worked it a gazillion times. For two weeks. It just doesn’t sound tortured, no matter how much I edit. My usual angst over… whatever… is gone. My writing flows when I’m suffering… over a break-up, a spiritual crisis, a stubby toenail. I alluded to this issue in one of my last blogs When Things Are Just Too Good. […]

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