8 Things I’d Rather Do Than Shop on Black Friday – 2013 Edition

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erste bekanntschaft Yup folks, it’s time for my annual list of things I’d rather do than shop on Black Friday:

  1. Attend a farm to table dinner with tea baggers (either kind.)
  2. Swim with Tilikum at Sea World wearing nothing but a sardine necklace.
  3. Watch Miley twerk for 94 consecutive hours while eating a steady diet of frozen uncooked McRibs.
  4. Act as the late Ariel Castro’s tube sock in prison (pre auto-erotic asphyxiation.)
  5. Surgically embed strings of Craisins & popcorn in my mammary glands
  6. Sign up for NixonCare with an Apple Lisa.
  7. Ask Paul Ryan to inject a hefty dose of Krokodil into my vagina.
  8. Sit in the eye of Hurricane Sandy reading the Left Behind series.

http://19dentalclinic.com/cgi-sys/suspendedpage.cgi If you missed the 2012 list, you can find it here. Till next year.

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