8 Things I’d Rather Do Than Shop on Black Friday – 2013 Edition


Yup folks, it’s time for my annual list of things I’d rather do than shop on Black Friday:

  1. Attend a farm to table dinner with tea baggers (either kind.)
  2. Swim with Tilikum at Sea World wearing nothing but a sardine necklace.
  3. Watch Miley twerk for 94 consecutive hours while eating a steady diet of frozen uncooked McRibs.
  4. Act as the late Ariel Castro’s tube sock in prison (pre auto-erotic asphyxiation.)
  5. Surgically embed strings of Craisins & popcorn in my mammary glands
  6. Sign up for NixonCare with an Apple Lisa.
  7. Ask Paul Ryan to inject a hefty dose of Krokodil into my vagina.
  8. Sit in the eye of Hurricane Sandy reading the Left Behind series.

If you missed the 2012 list, you can find it here. Till next year.

3 replies
    • Melanie Bates
      Melanie Bates says:

      I know, right? One of my favorites of old was that I’d rather shave my legs with a rusty cheese grater than shop on Black Friday 🙂 That’s big time. I don’t like to shop anyway, but Black Friday – forget about it.



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