Indeed! It’s that time of year once again when I share my list of things I’d rather do than shop on Black Friday, so let’s get on with it. Ready? Here goes. I’d rather: Lick Donald Trump’s hair flap Finally pass the 4th grade at the age of 18 and buy a souped-up, jacked-up, white […]
I don’t mean to date myself or anything, but back in the day “gig” was a term used by my musician friends who were playing a Saturday night show downtown at a little bar I know called Drink Beam ‘Til You Puke. (Ahem… *coughs*) Not anymore, my friends. Not anymore. There’s a whole lot of hoopla […]
I’ve been working on the same novel since the beginning of time. In my first incarnation I probably wore mammoth furs and carved this story onto a cave wall with an antler dipped in red ochre. As a slave, I likely told it orally at the close of an endlessly long and grueling day. My “master” wouldn’t have allowed […]
When I was sixteen I got a job at Curly’s Dari Freeze. Curly himself was short, squat, and lacking hair, so I’m not sure where the name “Curly” came in, but he was a jovial guy, and I usually only saw him when it was time to collect the monies at the end of the […]
I know. I know. You’ve heard the concept of love versus fear about a trillion times, so I’ll just let Oprah boil it down briefly: “Every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.” This idea has knocked around in my head for years, but it wasn’t until recently that […]
I’m having an anxiety attack. Palms sweaty. Breathing in gulps. Dark glob in my solar plexus. Checking Facebook like a freak. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Full Disclaimer: I’ve been drinking coffee for the past eight hours. But still, what’s with all the angst? Well… I just posted something on FB. It all started during a […]
I stumbled to the coffee pot, poured myself a steaming cup, and put it in the microwave. Just like I do every day. I like my mornings to burn my tongue. My guy was on the phone with his bestie making plans to watch the soccer game. Said friend was on speaker: My guy: Whatcha doin’? […]
I haven’t been able to bend my left pointer finger for the last six months. It moves far enough to form the shape of a claw. No farther. It’s as if I’m perpetually pointing at everything in my path. Look there. Go there. Over there. Right there. It’s pink and resembles a crooked sausage. The corrosion of […]
I’ve been working on the same novel since 1999. Let me do the math for you. That’s sixteen years, folks. Now, mind you, I wasn’t “applying ass to chair” every day of those sixteen years. I took a five-year hiatus to drink my face off in Cleveland, for example. I was on break during my divorce […]
So… my boyfriend has been insisting that we get a shock collar for the love of my life. (No way. Ever. Not gonna happen.) When I went searching for kinder options, I was floored to find myself looking in the mirror. I should preface this blog by saying: I don’t have kids. Unless you count […]
