Indeed! It’s that time of year once again when I share my list of things I’d rather do than shop on Black Friday, so let’s get on with it. Ready? Here goes. I’d rather:
- Lick Donald Trump’s hair flap
- Finally pass the 4th grade at the age of 18 and buy a souped-up, jacked-up, white pick-up with 35 inch tires in which to fly the Confederate Flag.
- Spend my down time on Facebook reading Fox news articles and status updates from those who post them.
- Knock each tooth from my mouth with an anvil.
- Eat a vat of GMO corn during a painful bout of irritable bowel syndrome.
- Elect Ben Carson for President.
- Buy a Volkswagen diesel.
- Use Internet Explorer.
- Akin to number 9 above – Use a Saran Wrap condom.
- Have Jar Jar Binks appear in Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
There it is, folks. If you want to read more of my inappropriate Black Friday blogs, you’ll find ’em below:
If you are a Black Friday shopper, wear a helmet and be safe out there.