10 Things I’d Rather Do Than Shop on Black Friday – 2015 Edition

Indeed! It’s that time of year once again when I share my list of things I’d rather do than shop on Black Friday, so let’s get on with it. Ready? Here goes. I’d rather:

1. Lick Donald Trump’s hair flap
2. Finally pass the 4th grade at the age of 18 and buy a souped-up, jacked-up, white pick-up with 35 inch tires in which to fly the Confederate Flag.
3. Spend my down time on Facebook reading Fox news articles and status updates from those who post them.
4. Knock each tooth from my mouth with an anvil.
5. Eat a vat of GMO corn during a painful bout of irritable bowel syndrome.
6. Elect Ben Carson for President.
7. Buy a Volkswagen diesel.
8. Use Internet Explorer.
9. Akin to number 9 above – Use a Saran Wrap condom.
10. Have Jar Jar Binks appear in  Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

There it is, folks. If you want to read more of my inappropriate Black Friday blogs, you’ll find ’em below:

2012

2013

2014

If you are a Black Friday shopper, wear a helmet and be safe out there.