http://melaniebates.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/E8C79BC77E.jpg 333 500 Melanie Bates https://melaniebates.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/5-300x77.png Melanie Bates2013-11-17 02:20:372016-05-20 14:01:268 Things I'd Rather Do Than Shop on Black Friday - 2013 Edition
Yup folks, it’s time for my annual list of things I’d rather do than shop on Black Friday:
- Attend a farm to table dinner with tea baggers (either kind.)
- Swim with Tilikum at Sea World wearing nothing but a sardine necklace.
- Watch Miley twerk for 94 consecutive hours while eating a steady diet of frozen uncooked McRibs.
- Act as the late Ariel Castro’s tube sock in prison (pre auto-erotic asphyxiation.)
- Surgically embed strings of Craisins & popcorn in my mammary glands
- Sign up for NixonCare with an Apple Lisa.
- Ask Paul Ryan to inject a hefty dose of Krokodil into my vagina.
- Sit in the eye of Hurricane Sandy reading the Left Behind series.
If you missed the 2012 list, you can find it here. Till next year.